23 January 2012

where soul meets body

One year ago, I signed up for Weight Watchers again. It was my third attempt and, like they say, third times a charm. The new Points Plus program just fits me and my lifestyle in a way that none of the other programs ever did and the personal and physical transformation I've had over the past year has been magnanimous. The butterfly has truly come free of her cocoon.


I opted to do the program online, so food tracking has been on my computer or through the iPhone app and I weigh in at home. It takes self-motivation and accountability and I weighed in every single week for an entire year. I weighed in while on vacation. I weighed in even when I knew I had gained. Every. Single. Week. I was on that scale.

So, here we go: One year later and I've lost a total of 58.6 lbs.

Yeah, I only lost 1/2 a lb this week. But on Thursday there was the dinner at the gala, then on Friday we went out to eat for my Dad's birthday, and Saturday was the family soup supper. For someone who plans every meal down to the exact number of pretzels she eats as a snack, three meals in one weekend right before weigh in is an obstacle.

Like I said though, this has been both a physical and personal journey. And nothing proves greater evidence of that than my yoga class.

From the very first pose in this past Saturday's class, I knew it was going to be a good session. I felt flexible and free, strong and self-confident. But I still was completely caught off-guard when I managed to do The Wheel for the first time. It was the strangest sensation: on my back, legs and arms bent. I had a moment where I told myself "Let's do this shit," and I pressed into the mat and was up, the crown of my head on the mat, and in a split second there was this physical pop and all of a sudden I was up and completely off the ground.

Once up, I didn't want to come down because I wasn't sure I'd be able to get back up. We do it three times: up for five breaths, down for three, up for five, down for three, up for five. I stayed up through the first two and then came down and, sure enough, when I tried it for the final count I couldn't do it. But later I wondered if it was just a question of mind over matter. If because I told myself I wouldn't be able to get back up, I didn't. Maybe I just need to trust myself and my abilities just a bit more.

A few poses later, with a little help from my instructor, I was able to roll back into Plow for the first time, too. Normally I can't do any of the shoulder stands or roll backs, but on Saturday the momentum was there and I was up and over.

Of course, I couldn't stay flipped for the entire duration because, well, there was some serious boob suffocation going on. I mean, hello, did you see the picture of me from the aquarium gala? I flip over and suddenly all of that fabulous bustageness presses down directly on my throat. But that's okay, because I have built up enough strength and endurance to do not one but two poses that were physically impossible when I started Ashtanga five weeks ago.

And I also know it's okay if I am unable to do them again at tomorrow morning's class. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow of the poses. Some days you'll have them, other days you won't. But it's called a yoga practice for a reason and practice makes perfect.

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

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