06 August 2012

a jog down memory lane

Back in the day I used to be a huge scrapbooker. I scrapbooked my way through high-school and college, including all of those important events like my 21st birthday and that year where instead of a birthday I had a Halloween party and dressed up as Magenta from Rocky Horror Picture Show. There were trips to Europe and New York City. And, of course, prom:

My dress had to be ordered from a catalog. In Spring 2000, stores carried
very limited options for girls my size.

I had a huge box full of stickers and fancy paper and punches and paper cutters. Oh yeah, I was hardcore. I fell out of the hobby shortly after graduating from college, so when One Ordinary Mom mentioned to me a few weeks ago that she made a scrapbook out of her racing bibs I jumped at the idea.

Me and Papa G. in the upper left

Each page has the name of the race, the location, date, and my time. Of course, so far it only has two pages. And the first page is pretty boring because there aren't any pictures. But that's okay, if only because it will help remind me to get pictures with each future race.

I really love the idea of saving and representing each race this way. And One Ordinary Mom is right: it's the easiest scrapbook page to put together. You don't really need anything fancy, although because I'm me, I did buy some running stickers and cheap fancy scissors (it's how I got the wave on the paper with the race info on it). Standing in the aisles at Pat Catan's I had to seriously restrain myself from going all accessory sticker crazy. Whew.

Over the weekend, Sissy and her fiance were in town and on Friday afternoon, Sissy, Mom and I went shopping (I fit into a size 16!) and then went out to lunch at PF Chang's. I knew in advance where we were going, so I did my usual thing and checked the website for nutritional info and wrote up a list of good options and that way once I actually got to the restaurant I had some choices depending on what I was in the mood for, how hungry I was, etc. (I ended up going with the Dim Sum lunch, which was a small salad and six steamed dumplings. I chose three veggie, three edamame.)

After we were all done eating and waiting for the check, I went to the restroom. When I got back, I sat down and my mom and sister looked at each other, then my mom said "We have a blog post idea for you."

When they told me what they had been talking about while I was gone, I thought there was no way in hell I was going to blog about it. None. You couldn't pay me to blog about it. It's the ugly side of what got me to where I was and nobody wants to read about the ugly side, least of all me. I had honestly forgotten all about it and was mortified at being reminded, for no other reason than Sissy hadn't known about it until that lunch.

The more I thought about it, though, I realized that's exactly why I should blog about it. I know I make it look all peaches and cream these days, but let me tell you it wasn't always like that. I weighed over 200 lbs in high-school. Hello, that sort of thing doesn't just happen accidentally. Back in college, a visiting writer encouraged all of us to write the story we're afraid to tell. That's what this is and if my sharing the ugly truth can help someone else, then that's what I need to do.

Not gonna lie: I'm feeling very nervous and vulnerable and uncomfortable at the prospect of talking about this. Even just writing part one made me a little sick to my stomach because I haven't thought about this shit in years. Because nobody knew how bad it really was, for no other reason than as I got older I got better at hiding it. Literally.

Because to fully appreciate where I am right now (-98.4!), you have to fully appreciate where I was back then. So come back Wednesday for part one of my history with food and disordered eating.

If you're a runner, how do you save or display your racing bibs or marathon medals? 

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

12 comments:

  1. That's very brave of you to write about your disordered eating history. I'm sure you will help lots of people!!

    On the race bibs and medals front, I regret to say that I don't save my bibs. Looking back, it is stupid and I should have, but I do save my medals. I have probably ran 20 races and only have 2 medals, though. Most races in NYC don't give out medals. My two medals, however, are currently hanging right in front of me on my cubicle wall. Nothing like past success to motivate future success!

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    1. I'll keep reminding myself it's brave and not stupid. Otherwise I'll chicken out :)

      And yes, past success is the perfect motivator for future success!

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  2. Oooh I love a great cliff hanger! You are brave! And don't worry, I feel that way about a lot of the things I discuss on my blog. Sometimes I have writers remorse and think about password protecting certain entries. I haven't yet but remember that trick if you start to really feel uncomfortable with it.

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    1. Oh, that doesn't concern me so much. If I was really worried about it I just wouldn't write it. It's more that it deals with topics and events I've never talked about before and that's just a little scary :)

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  3. I know this is going to be really difficult but, oh man, I'm eager to read this series. I wish I could be more honest on my blog about my darker seasons and that's something I'm considering changing but I'm not there yet. I commend you, friend.

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    1. Thank you :) I'm nervous, so we'll see how it goes.

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  4. Yay! It seriously is the easiest scrapbook ever. I tried to be hardcore with stickers and stencils and stuff and making one for E and I. I got to our wedding and well, 8 years and 2 kids later, I've learned that Shutterfly books work better (well, I'll still add to the running one).

    I can't wait to hear your story. You're such a talented writer.

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    1. Hahaha, yeah in that instance Shutterfly probably would be easiest :)

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  5. I LOVE Mel's idea of saving race bibs- why didn't I ever think of that? I may have to start doing that myself.

    And I am going to be honest and admit that I'm really excited to read the dark dirty secrets of your story- I know it'll be hard to write and relive, but can I just admit that it's human nature to be interested in this type of stuff? I mean, people read tabloids for crying out loud. Plus I think you're able to tell your tale (the dark, the inspirational, the everyday) with so much humor infused; I hope you can look back at your past while writing and keep that cheerful good humor in tact. I'm loving following your tale and hope to be able to run a 5k with you someday- keep us posted on all those Cleveland ones and someday I'll get myself up there to run one.

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    1. Oh it's totally human nature. I mean, I was all over the TomKat divorce, I get it. And the storytelling aspect is one reason I'm going to break it up into a series. I really struggled with how to tell it, and the way I settled on will allow me to really write and tell a story instead of just presenting facts.

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  6. I've been in exactly one race - I pushed G in her stroller -but I did save the bib from it for her baby scrapbook!!!

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good writing is sexy so spread the love. (don't have a blogger account? Just choose 'anonymous')

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