01 October 2012

back to basics

This week, the scale went up three pounds.

I say "the scale" not out of denial, but because I know there is no way in hell I legitimately gained three pounds. At 3500 calories a pound, that would I mean I would have had to consume 10,500 calories above and beyond my BMR and what I exercised out.

While, yes, I was perhaps a bit lazy in the exercise department this week and, yes, went to a wedding on Saturday and, yes, hang overs make me a bit carb crazy, I also danced my ass off at the reception and tracked everything and was within my points.

If there's anything I've learned over the past twenty months, it's that the body is a strange strange thing and you can't predict what it's going to do. It also often fights back against dramatic changes. The final two weeks of September I lost a total of 7 pounds. That's more than I average in a month, so this could just be my body settling back the balance. And I'm fine with that, I've had it happen before. Of course, the only downside is it currently puts me back above 200 pounds and I have no idea how long it'll take me to get under again but c'est la vie.

At Saturday's wedding, my friend Missy confided that at the then-112 pounds lost, I've lost an entire her. This is the second friend who has told me this and I spent the rest of the evening saying I've lost a Missy!

Instagram: JillGrun

At this level of weight loss, it's difficult to mentally comprehend the sheer vastness of the accomplishment. Especially when you feel a complete disconnect from your Before picture. But being able to see Missy standing in front of me and knowing she, in her way, represents my journey thus far made me feel like a fucking bad ass.

That being said, I'm still struggling with getting myself out of this funk. After several weeks of this, I honestly have no idea what's causing it. I just know I keep making plans of change but fail on the follow through. For a few days I'll be okay, but inevitably fall off the proverbial wagon. And, let me make it clear, I'm strictly speaking about exercise. The food isn't an issue, this is just about me being lazy and inactive and full of excuses.

For the time being, I'm going to try and go back to basics. Instead of attempting to add activities to my list or change my routine, I'm going to take a step back and start over again. Start small and work my way back up. Instead of focusing on the big week long picture, I'm going to take it one day, one morning, at a time.


During the Sun Salutations, I focused on my ujjayi breath and form (I have a tendency to collapse my hips as I transition into Chaturanga). Once the sun salutations were complete, I did my daily plank, clocking in at one minute and seven seconds. Entire routine, start to finish, took about fifteen minutes.

I have a 5K on Saturday, but considering I've only been running about once a week, I have no idea what my time will be. I need to start swimming again, considering I haven't been since the spring. Those, however, though only a few days off, are concerns for the future. While I would like to do the fifteen minute Sun Salutation/Plank routine every morning, that, too, is a concern for tomorrow.

Instead, I want to start to refocus my energy and attention to the present. To this very moment in time, and not worry about what's up ahead. As Lao Tzu is quoted as saying: If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

So here's to peace in the present.

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

10 comments:

  1. You look wonderful in that photo with Missy -- so happy and glowing! Bravo! You're my hero.

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  2. You're an inspiration girl, keep up the awesome work!

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  3. Sometimes going back to the basics is what works the best to jumpstart something like this. If you need someone to keep you accountable, let me know...I can hound you on Twitter!

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  4. I agree that going back to the basics is sometimes the best strategy. As for the weight gain, you could be retaining fluids. I know it is tough to see a gain, but it happens and you just take it a meal at a time and move forwards. Every meal is a fresh start!

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    1. After almost two years, I'm used to the occasional ups and downs of the journey :) But, yes, every meal IS a fresh start!

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  5. Wow what a visual! It's amazing how far you've come :)

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    1. The visual definitely helps put it in perspective!

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