12 November 2012

dear mom & dad

I am guessing that the dyed hair, tattooed, agnostic, vegetarian writing this post probably isn't the woman you expected me to turn into when you welcomed me into the world thirty-one years ago today (though I will point out I was way ahead of y'all on the liberal social issues. Thanks for at least partly joining me on the dark side). And perhaps expectations is the wrong word, but I suppose like most parents you had dreams and plans and ambitions for me. Not only was I your first daughter, but your first child and while I know I made quite the cute kid with my blonde hair and blue eyes, as I grew older and began to develop my own sense of self, I also grew defiant and became secretive and stubborn. A natural introvert, I spent years closing my door and shutting myself off and even now I'm not exactly one to just willingly volunteer information about what's going on in my life. (Well, at least not to you. The fact that I'll talk about it on a blog is another matter entirely.)


There were a few years here and there were things were...less than easy. Y'know, like when I pretty much stopped doing all homework fifth grade through twelfth grade. And when I wanted to major in creative writing of all things. Let's also not forget the time I moved to Kentucky for a guy. But through it all you both have always been there for me in ways that I would like to think I have never taken for granted. But I am also aware that there is no way on earth I could ever show you enough appreciation for all that you have done.

I also know there was a long period of time when you and Sissy and, really, probably the whole family, were all very concerned about my health. For years I turned a blind eye to the situation I had gotten myself into (and, let's face it, there's no one else to blame) and turned deaf ears to all of you when you would try and broach the topic. That's actually being too kind: I'd get downright defensive and angry and refuse to address the issue head on. Like that time I stormed away in tears in the food court of some airport because of some ridiculous comment I can't even remember now that I internalized as you criticizing how much food I was eating. In truth, I took it that way because I knew you were right but I didn't want to deal with that reality. I didn't know how to deal with that reality and I've always been far too independent to ever ask for help.

Luckily I know that while you stopped bringing it up at some point, you never stopped believing in my ability to turn it all around. Kind of like with that silly boy in Kentucky and knowing I'd eventually realize what you all already knew about him. As of today I have lost 116.8 lbs and I couldn't have done it without you two. Your support through this journey has been huge (pun intended). Even at 31, I admit that I always get excited when I know you guys are coming to one of my races and it still kills me that just a few weeks ago, Dad was attempting to do some of the yoga poses he's seen me do (attempting being the key word, as I stopped him before he risked injury.)

This is one of those situations mentioned above, where I'd have great difficulty telling this to you in person or over the phone or in an email or whatever and so I'm taking advantage of the fact that I know at least mom reads my blog and I'm putting it here instead. There's really so much more I'd like to say, but even with that degree in creative writing you wholeheartedly supported, knowing full well it was really just a fancy piece of paper with no job at the end, I'm currently struggling with how to exactly express my gratitude for having the two of you as my parents.

I guess all I can really say is Thank You.

In case you hadn't guessed, today is my 31st birfday! But just 'cause I'm the Birthday Girl doesn't mean I should have all the fun, so for today only I'm having a storewide sale in my Etsy shop and have discounted all items 31% off! Yup, everything in the shop is on sale, even the brand new items I just listed yesterday. Deal ends tonight at midnight (EST) so if there's something you've had your eye on, now is the time to grab it!

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus Jill

12 comments:

  1. I cannot even imagine how proud your parents are of the woman you have become! And I think this post offering your thanks is exactly what every parent hopes to hear from his or her grown child. You are all so lucky to have each other- they've been blessed with a hardworking tattooed vegetarian daughter who stops Dad from the yoga poses before he hurts himself, and you've been fortunate to have parents who support you in all your endeavors. Enjoy celebrating 31 years of that! It sounds like 31 may be your best year yet!

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    1. Thanks! My mom actually emailed me to tell me the post made her cry. Wasn't my intention, but I should have probably seen it coming, haha :)

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  2. Happy birthday, Jill! You have grown into a remarkable woman and your parents have to be so incredibly proud of you! We all have our journeys, with twists, turns and undesirable stops along the way. It seems that yours is now headed in an awesome direction. :)

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  3. Happy Birthday!
    I'm new to your blog (found it through 3FC, but I'm from NEO too!)
    Anyhow, how cool to use your birthday blog platform to express gratitude to your parents. There's a sign of a healthy person - inside and out.

    Enjoy your day. I'm off to make your carrot fries!

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    1. Yay NEO! Welcome and I hope you enjoy the carrot fries! Other people who have made them since seeing the post have enjoyed them :)

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  4. I know I wished you a happy birthday on FB, but let me extend those wishes again on your blog! I got misty reading this (I, too, get excited with every visit from my parents) and can only imagine how proud you've made your parents. Some people find their way so easily, they seem like "Golden" people - but those people never know how easy they have it, and take it for granted; you've come to where you are by a different path, and because of that, you are a stronger, braver, more beautiful woman than you ever would have been otherwise :) An easy life is overrated - I'd take the life well-earned every time.

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    1. Aw, thanks Elizabeth :) Not afraid to confess this made ME a bit misty eyed ;)

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  5. Happiest of Birthdays Jill! It is so sweet to read this letter to your parents. I know they are proud. And make no mistake that your entire extended family is proud of you -- oh so proud of you -- too!

    Love to you!

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good writing is sexy so spread the love. (don't have a blogger account? Just choose 'anonymous')

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