I have many a virtue (including, it seems, modesty), but patience? Patience is so not one of them. I can get very impatient and often at an alarming rate. It seems like I am always waiting: waiting for a particular day or hour. A phone call or email. Waiting for the weekend. For an upcoming event or trip. Waiting waiting waiting. All this waiting -- and focusing on the fact that I am indeed waiting -- can make a gal, well, kinda anxious.
But more than that, impatience forces my attention and focus to the future. To whatever it is that I'm waiting for and everything that comes after that. In doing this, I become disconnected and distracted from the present. And the present, this exact moment in time, is all any of us have. Instead of wandering a garden and stopping and smelling the roses, mentally I'm like fifteen blocks ahead out on the busy main street where I have a dreaded dentist appointment.
Or, y'know, something like that.
By always looking ahead and worrying about the life that hasn't happened yet, I miss out on the life happening right now. Moments and opportunities slip through my grasp without my even realizing it until it's too late to get them back. Impatience can lead to anxiety which can lead to worrying which can lead to me re-imagine an entire situation and distort reality. Enough that I can make it way worse in my head than it really is and if I just showed a wee bit of patience I would see that everything is perfectly alright.
Which is why I've chosen patience as my word of the year. I need to learn how to breathe deep and embrace and appreciate the present and not worry so much about the future. I need to reboot my brain to enjoy the reality that is the Here and the Now and not focus so much on the Maybe and Possibly. There are so many exciting things happening this year -- Sissy's wedding, a family trip to London, my half-marathon -- and those are just the things that are planned. Who knows what other things may happen along the way.
But instead of sitting around waiting waiting waiting, I have to sloooooow down and ride them out. Let things progress and happen as they do, instead of trying to force them to happen sooner with my impatience.
In other words, 2013 is the year I learn to just chill the fuck out.
What is your word of the year for 2013? Also, congrats to Courtney M, winner of the Happy Herbivore Abroad Giveaway! Courtney, you should have an email from me with details about claiming your prize :)
Love from the ashes,