This morning I have a doctor's appointment at a local office. This isn't with a therapist. That comes later. See, the facility I've chosen operates as cooperative health. That is, all of your doctors communicate with each other: the primary care physician talks with the behavioral health specialists so all of your health care needs are being met by the same team. It is, as Sissy put it, very Private Practice, but first you have to get established as a general patient and then they refer you to one of the on-staff therapists. But, seeing as how I'm 31 and don't actually have a primary care physician it seemed like a good kill-two-birds kind of deal. Plus, I really do like the idea of having doctors that acknowledge and support the idea that physical and mental health are connected and one can have an affect, both positive and negative, on the other.
Speaking of Private Practice, about once a year I go on this Grey's Anatomy binge where it's all I watch and so right now I'm about halfway through season four, which is where I was reminded of this quote:
Sing it, Christina.
I was actually thinking about this last week when I was in the middle of everything. It's easy enough to acknowledge the monster in the mirror. Anyone can do that. Anyone can make a list of their issues. But it takes a certain level of courage, bravery and, dare I say it, tenacity, to actually confront and fight the monster.
It's not enough for me to just say "I know what I need to work on." Sometimes I think we get it in our heads that these things should and can be dealt with on their own. That we have the inner strength to battle and survive by ourselves. And maybe some people do. But I also think some of these issues work like memories, where the more you think about something the deeper the groove in your brain. The longer you live with these issues without dealing with them, the more they become ingrained. I can't speak for everyone, but for me I believe that any issues that are so rooted they caused me to balloon up to 311 pounds cannot be conquered without assistance.
I don't want to just be aware of my issues anymore. Now I actually want to overcome them and for that I know I need outside help.
Today I also get to pick up my race packet for the St. Malachi 5 Mile Run! Right now the weather is showing snow for tomorrow, but I found some fabulous shamrock knee-high socks so I should be good to go. Anyone else racing this weekend?
Love from the ashes,