12 July 2013

bdsm: body diet scale masochism

My sense of home decor is pretty eclectic. Kind of like me. There's a bit of contemporary, a bit of vintage, a bit of just about everything. This is especially true when it comes to the art that is featured in every room. Original paintings picked up at yard sales? Check. Original paintings done by moi? Check. Cleveland Film Festival posters? Check check. Fabulous prints made by fabulous Etsy artists? Oui. Framed photographs? You know it.

There's no rhyme or reason. If I find myself attracted to a piece of art, I'll figure out a way to have it.

Such is the case with my newest addition.


This, ladies & gents, is a painting done by my cousin Katy as part of her senior art project. That would be her high-school senior art project.

I'm gonna give you a moment to let that sink in. 

Here's a painting time lapse video she did of another piece from the same series. As you can see, the paintings all feature the measuring tape as a form of restraint and when she posted pictures from her senior show on Facebook I was immedietely drawn to the one above for, I'm sure, fairly obvious reasons. When I saw her a few days later I asked her about it and was more than willing to pay her asking price (and I would have been willing to pay it even if we weren't related).

I can't speak for Katy's message behind this painting. I can only talk about my own reading and for me I wanted this painting so I would have a daily reminder to never become a slave to the scale. All the scale does is give you a number and that number is merely your body mass relative to gravity.

Look, I would weigh 74 pounds if I lived on the moon and 461 pounds if this was Jupiter.

Sure, that perspective might sound ridiculous so then why do we put so much emphasis on that exact same science as it relates here on Earth?

Same goes for clothing sizes. I own two pairs of capri pants: one is a basic black random label size 14. Other is denim Michael Kors size 12. The size 14 feels slightly tight in the waist while the size 12 is loose in the waist.

That doesn't even make any sense. 

We say numbers don't lie, but when it comes to weight and body image and clothing they might not lie per se but they most certainly fudge the data just a bit. After losing over 100 pounds I'm learning that shopping is a new experience and I'm having to relearn what size I wear in which labels. I mean, two pairs of capris, two different sizes, both fit. So which is the "correct" one?

Because of work stress over the past six months, I've managed to regain 20 pounds. Go me. I keep saying that right now I'm not where I want to be, but all that really means is I don't like the number on the scale. But the scale can't tell me all the other things, like the fact that I'm running longer distances and building muscle (sadly, not 20 lbs worth) and wearing clothes that by all intents and purposes shouldn't really fit me at this higher weight. I can buy designer labels and vintage dresses, people. I'm healthy and happy and, judging by the reactions and photos from Sissy's wedding, rather hot if I do say so myself (I'm rocking some serious collar bone action in the professional wedding photos).

The other part of this is that I was looking back through my Weight Watchers tracker and realized that I've managed to maintain this higher weight for about two months now without really trying. Since switching to Simply Filling I am confident in saying I eat healthy 70-80% of the time, but with the remaining 20-30% I've managed to do the exact opposite of what someone trying to lose or maintain a weight would do (like, say, that first weekend with the KitchenAid Mixer) and still have kept around 195 almost accidentally.

I'm a lifelong fat girl. I know about the BMI chart. I know about "healthy weight" ranges. But I also know that if I can do what I do and keep a steady weight without effort, without trying, without even thinking about it, then maybe my body is trying to tell me something and maybe I should stop and listen.

Because let's be honest here: The numbers on the scale are only one piece of a very complicated complex puzzle and while the diet industry would like us to believe different, that one number has never and will never be an indicator of health. I know healthy fat people, I know unhealthy thin people. Health is a living, moving entity that encompasses every choice you make. It flows, like water, from day to day, week to week, and on and on.

You can't take a something like a number that can be manipulated by time of day, what clothes you're wearing and whether or not you've peed right before checking and make some grand statement about someone's overall health and then a month later declare them more or less healthy because the scale happens to show something different.

That's about as ridiculous as saying "Well, I'd weigh 74 pounds if this was the moon."

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

2 comments:

  1. Your cousin is so talented. Amazing.

    Bah, work stress. I know it well. Hopefully things get better at work and you can concentrate on staying healthy.

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