11 September 2013

"failure is not an option. it's a step."

That post title was given to us by our leader at Monday's Weight Watchers meeting. She saw it on a t-shirt a few weeks ago when she was on vacation and, lemme tell ya, if there was a week I needed to hear those words it was this one.

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter you know I mentioned I didn't make the best choices this past weekend. During the week I did relatively okay with food choices but by the time Friday evening hit, man, I was all over the place.

Actually, Friday night wasn't that bad. It was what I like to call A Normal Person Day. That is, if I was a Normal Person (ie: someone without a history of food issues) ate what I ate it would be pretty average. I went to the Indians game with my friend Missy and we had dinner beforehand. I got a salad and small portion of a pasta, only eating half, and had some wine with dinner and ice cream at the ballpark.

Normal eating behavior, right?

Except, see, I'm not a normal person so what starts as a "Normal Person Day" and left unchecked (ie: untracked) soon turns into me falling back on old behaviors and having myself a free-for-all.

So I knew going into my meeting I'd see my weight going up and in my self-deprecating way I joked I probably gained five pounds.

Then I stepped on the scale and saw that I actually did.


At which point I promptly burst into tears.

It's not the five pounds that upsets me. It's that with those five pounds I weigh more than I did when I started Weight Watchers a month ago. Seriously? It's also knowing that this was all completely avoidable.

I knew I was going to the Indians game. I knew we would probably be doing dinner beforehand and I'd want alcohol and/or some treat. I should have been more careful with my weekly points earlier in the week, leaving me more wiggle room. I also could have exercised more, been more on my game with my half-marathon training, giving me some extra Activity Points to play with.

But I did neither of these things and it showed up on the scale. Trust me, I fully deserved those 5.6 pounds.

There's a lot I didn't do this week. But the one thing I did do was go to my meeting. And that's why I got the Bravo sticker. I felt it was undeserved, but as I managed to pour out my entire story in thirty seconds through tears ("Lost 135 using WW Online, gained 30, that's why I'm at meetings"), she asked if I knew how many people would know they had a bad week and would not come to a meeting ever again. They'd just quit, full stop. Me, I knew I was going to show a gain and I still came and am prepared to keep going, so Bravo.

The meeting topic this week was Believe, as in Believing in yourself. Believing you can reach your weight loss goals. Do I believe I can acheive those things? Absolutely. Why? Because I've already done it.

It's a double-edged sword, knowing I can do it because I already have. On the one hand, I know for a fact that it's achievable. But on the other hand, the fact that I have to do it all over again means at some point I quit and I don't like thinking about myself in  that way.

So I left that meeting and went home and I took those 5.6 pounds and turned them into 4.21 miles.

How's that for bouncing back?

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

2 comments:

  1. Bravo indeed! And courageous, and self-possessing, and humble.

    Yep, bravo fits just right!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This really resonates with me. I am heading back to meetings tomorrow after not having gone for about 9 months. I know I have probably gained back every single pound I have lost in the last 3 years and I can feel it. I am going to use what you said to bolster me. "I know that I can do this because I already have."

    ReplyDelete

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