I think I have figured out that along with having trigger foods I have a trigger time.
See, I can do really, really, really well for the first half of the day. All of my food choices are spot on. But then the afternoon rolls around and I don't know what the hell happens but I suddenly lose all control and go a little, well, crazy.
And when I say crazy, what I mean is I typically eat lunch at about 2:00 and it doesn't matter if I have a decent sized healthy nutritious lunch. By the time that clock shows 3 pm I feel like I'm starving.
I say "feel like" because obviously I'm not. It's all in my head. I mean, hello, I just ate. Even as I'm starting to draft this post at 2:45 Tuesday afternoon, I just finished a really good salad full of veggies and multiple protein options like eggs and almonds and a Morningstar Chik'n Patty -- I should not be hungry right now yet there is some weird wiring in my brain that is misfiring and trying to convince me that I am.
Now, I will admit that because of shit that has happened over the past year I have more often not given into that tiny stupid voice telling me to eat when I'm not really hungry. It should also be assumed that when I'm giving in I'm not reaching for an apple or banana. Oh, no, I'm going straight for the chocolate which, inevitably, has a snow ball effect into making me undo all of the good choices I had made previously in the day.
Every once in awhile I convince myself that it's perfectly safe to have peanut butter in my apartment. That I can control myself around it. That I won't binge eat and attack the jar with nothing more than a spoon (or, y'know, my finger). So I buy a jar. Or two. Or three. Which, let's be honest, should be a big red flag right there but I choose to ignore it. And I'm good for maybe a day or two. Then, the next thing I know, the jar of peanut butter is gone in, like, a week. Of course I act surprised, I mean, I don't eat that much, maybe a tablespoon here or three but because I'm not actually measuring it it's all guessing and chances are I'm way underestimating.
So then I snap out of it and remember, yet again, why I can't have peanut butter in my apartment and so I throw it all away. Sometimes this includes unopened jars that I just purchased.
And then I think Great! Trigger is gone! I mean, if the food isn't in my kitchen I can't eat it.
Until a month or two later when I convince myself it's perfectly safe and can be allowed back into my apartment and the cycle begins again.
Now being really concious and aware of this, when I went grocery shopping the other week and felt my weird wiring trying to tell me that it's okay to buy regular peanut butter, I stocked up on jars of PB2. No matter how much I love me some nut butter I have never ever felt an urge to binge on PB2. It serves its purpose on my English Muffin or the powder mixed into my Overnight Oats and that's it, which is exactly what I need from it.
Likewise, instead of giving into my 3:00 faux hunger on Tuesday, I came prepared and made myself some (okay, lots of) hot tea and chewed my gum, waiting for it to pass. Because I knew it would eventually.
And it did and I managed to finish the day completely on track. Of course, one day does not success make. I mean, it does for that one day. That one day was successful but if this is like anything else in my life it's going to be a constant ongoing battle where every single afternoon I'm going to have to recommit to my goal. But as long as I keep in my head the reminder of why I want to commit to a healthy lifestyle and continually tell myself that I am stronger than my cravings I can hopefully turn a one day success into a pattern.
Love from the ashes,