Right. So. Last week I gained half a pound. This week I gained half a pound.
What is wrong with me?!
It's my food choices, I mean I'm smart enough to figure that out. And despite those food choices I yet again tracked everything I ate so there is progress in there. I also slacked a little on exercise this week, so there's that.
I'm also still mentally struggling with the idea of being completely happy with where I am in life right now and answering the question then of why I feel I need to change my physical appearance.
I have a feeling that is something I will always continue to struggle with.
So, you may remember a few months ago when I was in London, I left y'all an early Christmas present in the form of a list of some of my favorite people in the healthy living community. They are all rock stars and only a small sample of the amazing people I get to (virtually) interact with day after day, week after week.
Today, though, I'm going to highlight two from this list who have been particularly inspiring to me this past week and in a very specific way.
Kelly has lost 115 pounds while Brooke has lost an astounding 170 pounds. Both achieved there success thanks to, of course, Weight Watchers and have had their own features in national magazines. I am inspired everyday by their stories but what I only recently learned this past week was that for both of them, it took 5-6 years to get to where they are today. For whatever reason I had it in my head that it took them a much shorter time than that.
In fact, over on her blog Kelly recently said: Whenever people ask me how long it took me to lose my weight and I tell them 6 years and about 4-5 years to get the definition in my arms, they quickly lose interest. Everyone wants a quick fix these days. It does not work like that. It takes time, hard work, and a whole lot of discipline mixed with patience. There is not time or date stamp for when you get to goal. It will happen when it happens
Some people lose interest when they hear that. They are looking for a quick fix. Me? I was actually inspired by knowing that.
I keep feeling this pressure to get back to where I was exactly one year ago. It's all in my head, obviously, but I think it's knowing what I'm capable of in terms of weight loss week and after week and not doing it leaves me feeling disappointed in myself. Plus, hi, I write a blog. About, y'know, losing weight. So when you are publicly putting your story out there and aren't having the results to back it up, it feels, well, weird.
Like, again, it would have been easy for me to not mention this week's small gain and just brush over it. Except I want to operate under honesty and transparency. So that means putting up numbers and information I'm not really proud of, even two weeks in a row. But I also know that being that honest and putting it out there has it's own version of pride, so it's this weird push-and-pull and constant tug of war in my head.
Seriously, though. Considering this "healthy living blogger" has spent the past year slowly and steadily regaining some of her weight and still has people who want to hear her ramble on means more to me than you can possibly know, so thank you, dear readers. Really.
At the beginning of the year, instead of resolutions I set goals for myself. One of these goals was to find scale satisfaction. I'm honestly still not entirely sure what that means in the long run, but I do know that I want to get back under 200 pounds.
I know that I can achieve that in a couple of months. I know that possibility exists. I also know it took me two years to lose 135 pounds and I lost over 75 of that in 2012 alone. I know I'm capable of pulling big numbers. The real question, however, is whether that's actually the best way to think going forward. I mean, considering I regained about 1/3 of my weight back, maybe that was more of a quick fix than I originally realized.
Maybe I need to take Kelly and Brooke's approach. I mean, okay, so I'm three years in at this point and in those three years, at this point, I've lost almost 90 pounds. So maybe I should sloooooow it down and instead of saying "I want to get under 200 as soon as possible" I say "I want to be under 200 by this time next year." Take some of that imaginary pressure off. Think long term. See the big picture. It's a lifestyle change, right? Which means it's also a lifelong journey. Which means my little three years of work is a mere drop in the bucket.
So for this week, I'm not going to focus on trying to lose the pound I've gained over the past two weeks. I'm just going to take it each day at a time and focus on trying to make the best possible choices I can. I mean, that's all anyone can really do, right?
Have you entered my giveaway to win a copy of 31 Days of Dark Chocolate Dreams and a 28 oz jar of chocolatey peanut buttery fabulousness?
Love from the ashes,