24 November 2014

lost in losing limbo

I find myself in this weird state when it comes to my weight loss.

This past Friday I was down another .6, bringing my total weight loss to 10.6 since October 3rd. (And, just to point out, while I haven't been blogging as much lately, I'm still updating my progress page so even if there aren't posts, you can always check there to see how my week went.)

So here's where things get tricky because I find myself weighing what I weighed at FitBloggin back in June, which is great, but, again, this is the weight where I was able to really take a step back and say I'm totally okay weighing this and I really am okay weighing this and now I don't know what to do.


Over the weekend I had what I call Normal People Days -- those days where I eat like a "normal" person. That is, someone who doesn't constantly have to think about food all the time. I didn't make any really terrible decisions and I tracked everything I ate, but I fully anticipate a small gain at my next weigh in. But then I have to ask myself if that's really that big of a deal.

I love my Friday morning Weight Watchers meeting in a way I hadn't really anticipated. It's not just the leader (who I love) or the other members (who I also love). Everything just kind of clicks. When I went to meetings a year ago, I just don't think I was mentally in the right space to be there. But this time I find myself really looking forward to each meeting and I know, without a doubt, right now is the right time for me to be there.

I just am not sure if it's the right time for me to be trying to lose weight.

So, I suppose, the question is if it's weird to be going to meetings, paying the money, just to work on maintaining 235 for the foreseeable future? I mean, I tried maintaining on my own but didn't, which is why I ended up at WW just a couple months after FitBloggin. But, again, I get so much out of my meetings that go far beyond those few minutes at the beginning when I step on the scale.

I am fairly confident that I will not get back down to 175 ever again. I don't know if I'll ever get down to onederland ever again. But I also don't think I need to. Life is pretty damn good right now at 235 and I have to weigh (pun intended) the options of continually living a life spent chasing something I may not achieve or just saying Fuck It and rock what I got.

Maybe for right now I'll just try and maintain through the holidays which, as we all know, are full of danger days and then in January reevaluate.

Running a Turkey Trot on Thursday? There's still time to sign up for my Virtual #Birfday5K to score yourself another medal for the same race!

Love from the ashes
Lady Lazarus

3 comments:

  1. Love reading your honesty! I would ask yourself this question: Are you comfortable in the size you are at this weight?

    Because you can still work at changing your body definition even if the scale doesn't move.

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    Replies
    1. Oh! I forgot to write that -- I went shopping over the weekend and could tell I've lost inches based on what I was able to try on, so yes, I'm comfortable in this size.

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  2. Love this post. My 2 cents: I think you should keep going to your WW meeting with the goal of maintaining your weight. I don't think that's silly at all. You are so lucky you have access to a meeting with a leader and attendees that like and click with. Personally, I think maintaining a steady weight is much harder than losing weight and if I were I'd take advantage of the great support you have in place. Thanks for sharing that quote. It's awesome!

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