22 April 2015

training and body image


I spotted this in the most recent Weight Watchers magazine and found it super interesting: According to researchers, the smaller the difference between the way you think you look and the way you think you should look, the higher your level of body satisfaction. For me, on a good day, I think I look like C in the image above. On a bad day I think I look like D. Either way, I think I should look like C so apparently I have this body satisfaction thing working for me. (Although, I probably actually look like D in real life, but whatevs.)

That being said, something about half-marathon training has triggered a switch in my brain that is bringing back a lot of my negative body image issues and I spent most of this past weekend feeling like E.

Ugh.

Seriously, I have no idea what it is. I suspect it has something to do with an increased appetite thanks to training and while I'm trying to make good choices (food is fuel!), I admittedly make splurges. Who doesn't? But I think just the act of eating more, even when I need it, is hard for my body to accept as being okay. So, instead, I eat this extra food and feel like a big fat cow. Or pig. Or both.

I'm also up in terms of my weight, which I know is not at all unusual when training but still. Right now, the scale is so not my friend and I'm ignoring her for the time being until I feel comfortable getting on and knowing the number won't have a negative effect on my sense of self.

So I'm trying really hard to focus on the positive. Like, the fact I crushed my eight mile training run last week and I'm going to crush the Cleveland 10 Miler this Saturday. I also switched out my wardrobe over the weekend which doesn't sound like a big deal, but for someone who has spent her adult life needing to buy new clothes every season because the stuff from the year before was either too big or too small, being able to try on maxi dresses and denim capris from last summer and have them fit was an amazing feeling.

The one year anniversary of my maintaining this weight is right around the half-marathon and I'm feeling....ambivalent, I guess. I think because I'm not sure if I'm actually going to be at that weight still or if I'll still be up like I am now. But, like, I'll have just finished my third half-marathon so would it really matter that much if I'm up? Especially because it's possible that some of that gain is due to muscle mass?

Ugh. Again.

If nothing else, at least the past two days I've been feeling far more comfortable in my skin and more like my fabulous foxy self. I'm not fully there yet but I'm getting closer.

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

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