This past Saturday, my parents and I met up with BC's parents and his sister to attend a community theater production in our hometown that featured my younger cousin. It was a super warm day and I was looking forward to wearing this fabulous floral dress:
Lovely, no? It's from Gwynnie Bee which is basically like a Netflix for clothes and luckily my shipment last week included multiple dresses perfect for Mother's Day weekend.
The thing is, the warmer months can kind of suck for a fat girl. Actually, it's not just fat girls, it's anyone with thighs that touch. It gets hot, it gets sticky, the skin rubs together and it can be a whole ugly scene if attention is not paid. In the past, I've always defaulted to shapewear like Spanx and while, sure, it gives my figure some nice shapes and adds a buffer between my inner thighs, it also tends to make me feel incredibly overheated. Because, y'know, I've basically stuffed myself into a sausage casing. I've also defaulted to wearing leggings under dresses. Yes, even in the summer.
But over the weekend I tried something different, something that allowed me to wear the dress without having to worry about the dreaded chub rub.
I'll admit, only a few weeks ago did I realize there is an entire conversation happening about what women can do to avoid chafing beneath dresses.
I know -- I have no idea why it never occurred to me to seek out other options, so I'm so very glad my friend Terri posted the above linked article because it's like my whole wide world opened up. The Gold Bond isn't listed in the article but while reading other articles I came across it and it sounded like a good place to start.
Here's the other thing about that dress: since I'm relying on the Gold Bond, I'm not wearing any Spanx. That means there's nothing holding me in. All the curves are happening in that photo: both the good, like my hips and bust, and the bad, like my stomach and pooch. But, y'know what? I don't really care. I'm so past the point of caring if people know that I gots some extra belly fat or whatever.
This dress -- or, really, the wearing of this dress -- represents so much in regards to my own sense of self and body image. It's pretty much me taking a stand and saying This is who I am, all 235ish pounds of me, and fuck all y'all who don't think I look absolutely fabulous.
I've been at roughly the same weight for a year now (I'm up a bit, thanks to half-marathon training) and while mentally I know I look good and emotionally I feel self-confident, I think this weekend was the first time I truly know and felt that physically.
Love from the ashes,