03 August 2015

Mental Health Monday: Coaster Concerns

This week, BC and I are in Orlando for a much needed vacation. The past few months have been so busy and left me feeling so overwhelmed, to have a week off from all of that is just pure bliss. A chance to refresh and renew after the craziness of life. I don't really take summer vacations, so I'm enjoying having the opportunity to step back momentarily to gather myself before jumping into the second half of 2015.

There's just one teeny tiny thing that's giving me severe anxiety about this trip.


Right, so, this is Orlando, Florida, home to both Walt Disney World and Universal Studios and other such amusement parks. The thing is, see, I haven't been to an amusement park in about 8 years and the last time I did venture to a park was on a cousins outing to Cedar Point and I spent a good hour or two of that trip hanging out in the rain by myself while all of my family was on one particular roller coaster because I was too fat to ride. 



In fact, this very experience was part of the reason I started trying to lose weight. See, my parents wanted to surprise me with a trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter for my 30th birthday in November of 2011, but my sister had told them this story and the concern was that we'd get all the way down there and my by then 311 lb body wouldn't be able to ride any of the rides.

By the time it got closer to my birthday, even though I had lost about 50 lbs, we decided to travel to Vegas instead and I never got around to visiting the magical world of Harry Potter. With this trip on the horizon I, of course, have been feeling a wee bit anxious. Especially considering I gained back weight over the past two years. In fact, in the weeks prior to the trip I spent a ridiculous amount of time looking at photos from that Cedar Point trip, like the one above, and comparing it to photos from more recently.

Do I weigh the same? Does my face look thinner? What's my stomach situation? How does my body mass compare? What about my boobs? Will the harness be able to close? Will I get pulled off the ride? How will I do with all of the walking? I mean, it's gonna probably be hot as balls in Florida -- will I be able to keep up without getting too tired? What should I wear that will best hide the obvious sweat stains that will inevitably show up? 

For weeks these questions have been replaying in my head. And, to be honest, I probably do weigh roughly the same but it's one of those situations where the number doesn't tell the whole picture because the actual look and shape of my body is completely different thanks to changes in muscle mass over the past several years. And while I packed my Back to the Future shirt to wear, the morning of I changed my mind because I really was concerned that I'd sweat right through that thing and ended up going with a black top that would keep sweat stains discrete while walking around.

Ugh, my arms will forever be the bane of my existence.

Turns out I didn't have to worry, since yesterday's trip to Universal Studios went by just fine. That being said, some of the seats were a little snug on my hips and at one ride I did need some help from the employees to get the harness to get down far enough to click in the seat belt thing, but that was mostly owing to my rather voluptuous rack and not much else.

It's an unfortunate side effect of being heavier, not knowing how you'll fare at the fair. Or carnival or amusement park or whatever. If you're visiting such an establishment you want to know you'll be able to ride the rides free of discomfort or embarrassment and not spend a ridiculous amount of time stressing about if you'll even be able to fit on the rides.

Universal was fine, but Disney is on Thursday so even though I had a great time and fit on everything and had no issues, there is still that little anxious voice in my head worried that my trip to the Mouse won't be as successful. 

Be sure to check out the other Mental Health Monday posts as part of this week's linkup! 

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

2 comments:

  1. I totally understand. I have some of the same fears despite being a current Disney passholder for years. There are some coasters that I hold my breathe on because my chest and stomach. I try to suck it all in. Those restraints that come down over my head are the bane of my existence. I forget all about those fears as soon as we are whipping around the track at 50+ mph.

    Enjoy the moments the best you can, and enjoy the rest of your vacation! Hopefully it won't keep raining on you!

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  2. Oh I hate that feeling. I haven't been to a amusement park in years and I'm certain I wouldn't fit right now. It is so...disheartening. And the anxiety before and the "preemptive" embarrassment don't help either. No Disney for my kids until mom can ride with them :(

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