26 April 2016

5K/10K Training Tuesday: Week Thirteen

Raise your hand if you totally forgot to do a Training Tuesday post last week?

Part of it was the whole struggling with self-doubt (which, I am happy to say, is better on both the writing and the running part). So, I skipped posting about Week Twelve of my training so here is Week Thirteen:

Monday: 2 miles
Tuesday: Rest
Wednesday: Rest
Thursday: Yoga
Friday: 1 mile
Saturday: 4.5 miles
Sunday: Rest

I realized last weekend that the sun is starting to come up earlier and earlier so I was really looking forward to waking up Monday morning and getting a run in. I'm still learning my way around running in my new neighborhood but I've found some nice loops. Tuesday and Wednesday, well, monthly hormones hit hard and left me completely wiped out so I didn't even try to do anything.

Thursday was yoga at work but I actually led the class!

It's usually led by my manager but she'd been gone the past couple of weeks so I volunteered in her absence. When I did it a couple of weeks ago I was super nervous and worked through the poses really fast so the class ended up being shorter than I planned and it was hard to gauge the reactions from my peers. But when I arrived in the warehouse last Thursday and saw they had returned, knowing I'd be leading it again, I was relieved. Clearly it hadn't been so bad after all/

Friday I wanted to get a quick run in before work and managed to sort of accidentally find a loop in my neighborhood that ended up being exactly one mile around. I was just randomly turning on certain intersections so hopefully I can figure it out again (or pull the data from my Garmin) because it will be valuable to know where such a loop exists.

Saturday I knew I had 4.5 miles to run and so I made a decision to go to bed early so I could wake up early and get out there as soon as I could. The new house is about a mile or so away from this great park with a mile loop, so I ran the 1.25 miles to the park, did 2 miles at the park, then ran the 1.25 miles home.

I'd never done that before -- I usually drive to wherever I want to go but it worked out really well so I will definitely be doing it again this weekend with my 5 mile run on Saturday.

Just a couple of more weeks until the Cleveland Marathon 5K/10K Challenge!

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

19 April 2016

The Self-Doubt Struggle Is Real

My last couple of runs have followed a similar pattern. Pre-run, I'll be super excited. My body will be  physically itching to get out there and pound the pavement. I'll get dressed, lace up my shoes, set my Garmin and head outside.

Now, granted, the first mile tends to always be a liar and a bit of a struggle but usually after that I get into my groove and am okay.

Lately, though. Oh, man. Lately anything beyond two or two and a half miles is a struggle. As in want to stop and sit down in the middle of the road as soon as I hit that distance and just give up altogether and never run ever again.

I've hit a wall.

It's the same with writing my book. I'll be all good and ready to write up until the moment I sit down and open my laptop. I'll still write, but it feels forced and I have to slough through it and then when I go back and read it, I feel like it's all utter crap.

I know it's not (and, well, even if it is, that's why I have an editor) and I know my running isn't crap either. Friday I was scheduled for four miles and because I was working from home I was able to take advantage of a park near my new place. It was a gorgeous day, a little chilly which was okay because I knew I'd warm up naturally. The first mile was the usual mental game and then I forced myself through two miles. I was ready to quit after that but I knew that if I did then it would just be giving into the self-doubt and encouraging it so I walked most of the second half of the run. At the end, my overall pace was under 18 minutes which, okay, isn't fabulous but given all the walking I was prepared for something much worse so clearly that first half of the run wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was in the moment.

When I'm not running, when I'm not writing, I feel confident and secure in my abilities. But the moment I actually set out to do, the self-doubt increases exponentially and I feel like a fraud. A phony. A fake. 

This isn't the first time I've lost my running mojo but it's complicated by the fact that I am training for a race that is now less than a month away plus, y'know, that whole writing a book about running. Yeah, that'd be a great final chapter: And then, after all of that, the author quit running.

Some of this -- nay, all of this -- comes from a place of fear. I know that. Up until now, my identity as a slow runner has been contained to this small corner of the interwebz but in a year, it's going to be out there for all the world to see.

And what if people don't like what they see? 

I know. Totally dumb question because I'm totally awesome and of course everyone is going to like me. Except, well, of course they aren't. That's just the reality of life in general. Not everyone has to like you and that's okay. But it's scary to be vulnerable like this, to write about these things, and share it with a wider audience.

I mean, my blog is sort of like a glossy magazine where I for the most part highlight all the good stuff. But I'm writing a memoir. Gotta get all down and dirty. Dig deep.

AND IT IS FUCKING SCARY AS ALL HELL. Writing a book is scary. Putting yourself out there is scary. Readers are fucking scary because they get all judgmental. I should know, I'm a pretty prolific reader myself. Hell, I'd kill for a book like this to read which I think makes it even scarier: I'm my ideal reader and so when I get into that mode of self-doubt I'm just like OMG THIS IS HORRIBLE TRASH AND NOBODY WILL EVER WANT TO READ IT EVER AND I MIGHT AS WELL JUST QUIT RIGHT NOW.


Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

12 April 2016

5K/10K Training Tuesday: Week Ten

Monday: 2.5 mile run
Tuesday: Zumba
Wednesday: Speedwork
Thursday: Yoga
Friday: Rest
Saturday: Rest
Sunday: 2.5 mile run + 1 mile walk

So, it turns out that almost all of the Cleveland Marathon Ambassadors -- including myself -- are struggling lately. Several of us have moved or are working on home projects, plus babies happening, and all sorts of stuff that is making it difficult to find the time to keep up with our training and when we do have that free time, all we really want to do is decompress.

Wednesday was once again my day for speedwork. Because of the weather I opted to run laps in our work warehouse (which is where all of the exercise classes and free weights, kettlebells, are held).

Because I was indoors, the GPS on my Garmin couldn't connect to the satellites so I had to rely on the built in accelerometer so I'm not entirely sure how accurate the mileage is.

I was all set to use the weekend for my long run and then it snowed.


Saturday was all snowy, all the time. So instead of even trying to brave that, I spent the day working on my book in my brand new office!

I love having my medals right there next to my desk. They are a nice reminder when I'm writing and can just glance over and see them.

Because I spent Saturday indoors, I knew I had to at least try to go out for a run on Sunday. In fact, when BC and I went out for brunch I made sure to go to the restaurant dressed for a run so I had no excuses when we got back. He was working on Sunday, so he dropped me off and I grabbed my keys and gear and off I went.

I was supposed to do 4 miles but oof, Running in snow. I had forgotten how much I hate running in snow. It slows me down and I had to watch out for ice. Plus, it turns my neighborhood is a bit more hilly than I realized so that slowed me down, too. After 2.5 miles I turned off my Garmin and walked the mile or so home. So while I didn't maybe get 4 miles of running, I at least got close to 4 miles regardless.

This week I have a business trip so I have to figure out when to get all my runs in this week, too!

This week, Cleveland Marathon Ambassador Joe is hosting a giveaway for a free race entry!

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

05 April 2016

5K/10K Training Tuesday: Week Nine

Monday: 2.5 miles
Tuesday: Zumba
Wednesday: Speedwork
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Moving
Saturday: Moving
Sunday: Moving/Unpacking

When I first was notified I was a Cleveland Ambassador again and was thinking about what race to do, I briefly considered the half-marathon but opted instead to do the 5K/10K Challenge. Then, when I got the book deal I was really glad I decided on the shorter race because all of my free time was going to be going towards writing.

This week was another situation where I was glad I went for the shorter distance because I had to sacrifice both training and writing to pack up my apartment and move! Between packing up my apartment and taking it to new house, both Friday and Saturday, I ended up with over 11,000 steps both days!

On Wednesday I also kept up my speedwork with another round of the Mona Fartlek and showed some improvement over last week!

I'm excited to start running in my new neighborhood -- there are lots of sidewalks and a really nice park not too far away. Hopefully the weather will hold out: we seem to be experiencing a leftover winter this week but luckily the YMCA is only about 5 minutes away now.

This week my friend Stephani is giving away a free race entry to a single Cleveland Marathon distance so go check out her blog and enter!

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus
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